I hated the description of my blog again so I got rid of it. I'm going to make a new description.

Don't care what pronouns you call me, but will defend others' rights to choose pronouns.

I'm an artsy, witchy person, I love cats, I watch sci-fi like Babylon 5 and Star Trek, have some health issues, and blah blah, that's good for now...

 

One thing I hope has gotten better for teens today is the idea that you can’t know for sure that you are homosexual or bisexual when you are a virgin.
If that were true, the same should go for heterosexuality too.
And everybody’s first time then should be with both a man and a woman, because, hey, how are you supposed to know?
This would be seen as ridiculous, but is it any more ridiculous than thinking you can’t know what you yourself are attracted to?
(And what about non-binary? But of course folks who would say a virgin girl can’t know she’s attracted to other girls would not likely acknowledge anything non-binary. It’s a near miracle for some to acknowledge bisexuality exists.)

At least a virtual model isn’t cold wearing a minidress in the snow.

At least a virtual model isn’t cold wearing a minidress in the snow.

And I’ve been playing with this game again.

And I’ve been playing with this game again.

I had never before thought of “I was country when country wasn’t cool” as a hipster song. But earlier today I was sitting here just thinking: Wow you know that actually sounds like something a hipster would say.

I don’t know exactly how I feel about the word mansplaining, but I do remember one time I definitely had something mansplained to me, even though it was long ago.

I was wearing a skirt with Egyptian motifs on it and this man came up to me and just asked me if I knew what was depicted on my skirt or if I could identify particular figures or something like that. Don’t recall exactly how he asked it, as it was totally unexpected. Something that you definitely don’t expect someone you don’t know to just come up to you and ask to say the least.

And before I get any further this was a white man. Not a man who “looked Egyptian”- not to say that he couldn’t have been very slightly Egyptian and not looked it- but he sure didn’t look it. I believe I look more Egyptian than he did, in facial features if not skin and hair color, though I’m not either.

Anyway, naturally being a shy person, I just kinda looked at him just probably looking confused and I didn’t make ANY verbal response that I recall. He was also tall, which didn’t help me feel confident.
I don’t recall even going “Huh?” & I certainly did not respond, “I don’t know” or “Golly gee, I never thought about it” or anything like that to indicate that I had no knowledge.

And while I was just kind of looking at him trying to figure out why the hell he was asking me this, he proceeded to lecture me about how I should not wear things that I did not understand.
My supposed not understanding was an assumption that he had no right to make at that point, seeing how I hadn’t said a single word.

I think it is reasonable to look at somebody confused when they just come up to you and you don’t know them- and even though this was at a workplace and I’d seen him, I don’t know at the time that I even knew his name. I can say definitely that I don’t know it now!

What I can tell you, is if he had observed me much, he should’ve known I don’t always respond quickly when asked a question, even a simple, common one like “So how about this weather today?”, so he knew as little about me as I about him.

And this thing (which happened in 1991 or 92, can’t recall which) wasn’t like people getting mad now about cultural appropriation, or somebody just saying “you’re white you can’t wear that”. This was “don’t wear something you don’t understand”, like I would’ve had the right to wear it if only I could have just blurted out whatever information he required to prove my expertise. It was more akin to being called a “fake geek girl” because you forgot a minor detail about a character you’re dressed as than anything regarding cultural appropriation.

I have no fucking clue if he was studying Egyptology or archaeology, if he was a Kemetic, or what, but I do know he was an asshole who assumed an attractive young female had to only be wearing soemthing because she thought it looked cool.

If it were today, I’d probably not wear that skirt for the reason that, even though it’s ancient, not modern culture, AND even though I could easily have told him who was on there (I forget, but I knew at the time. The reason I bought it was because they were all amazingly enough, historically accurate figures, not something hastily scribbled to look vaguely Egyptian) and recited several facts about each deity, if I’d been given a chance, people could interpret it as insensitive. Also, people who do only regard cultural things as cool stuff to wear might not get the subtlety that this is an ancient culture, not a modern one, and I wouldn’t want to encourage them.

Since I had such a negative experience, I did give the skirt away soon after. It had come from a thrift shop anyway.

Shit, I wonder if he’d go up to every person he’d see wearing one of those “Your name in hieroglyphics!” cartouche pendants…

Illness and thin privilege

TW: Weight, general body discussion

Tell you what I can’t wrap my head around about thin privilege is this:
I have- without doing anything special but cleaning house and having had a couple weeks here and there where I had trouble holding food down or not getting the runs immediately after eating- dropped about 25 pounds in a few months.

Well, OK, I have been going through a bit of a cancer scare, too, and that’s stressful but so far I don’t have cancer, just a currently still benign lump that needs to be monitored.
And I feel sick, my face looks even older than just weight loss should make it, and my nails aren’t growing, yada yada. That could all be the stress of wondering if you have cancer, but I feel sick nonetheless.

Yet, I am according to thin privilege supposed to be more privileged now than I was, like three months ago?
Is this an oversimplification?
Probably, but possibly not, depending on what blog I’m looking at.

I don’t want to diminish or dismiss anyone’s experience by saying this. People who have always been large I’m sure don’t feel a specific thing as a group, all being individuals, but I know it has to be a different experience in general than being somewhat quickly variable in size as I am. This wouldn’t be the first time I have gained or lost 20 to 30 pounds in a short time period.

Does my looking a bit more ill and old change the thin part, make it any less privilege-y?
And what if I DID turn out to have cancer, and probably would have lost even more weight, but was sitting here bald from chemo?

And no, please don’t try to explain the general concept of privilege or whatever to me, please. I’ve been there. I understand what thin privilege on the surface is supposed to be; I am very, very well aware our current society prizes thin-ness; and I’m not saying I think society treats thin people and fat people the same, by any means.

I AM NOT SAYING THAT BECAUSE ILLNESS CAN MAKE YOU THIN, THAT THIS MEANS THIN PRIVILEGE DOES NOT EXIST.

I am just saying this makes thin privilege different from and way more complex than some other types of privilege.
Illnesses don’t turn you straight, or male, or rich. Some illnesses can effect skintone, but they don’t, from what I know, make someone actually look like they’ve changed race.

It just. FEELS REALLY WEIRD to me that there is a privilege you can gain BY BEING SICK.

And that just really messes with my head when I try to grasp it.

I don’t know if I’ve expressed myself exactly the way I wanted to. I know I can screw up, but I still need to try to get things I’m thinking out there.
I tried to be fair, because I know life otherwise isn’t… but if something in here still makes me seem ignorant, please ask me if I meant what you think I meant instead of calling me a shitstain. That’s all I ask.

One thing I don’t get about sports is how some people take it so seriously that a rival team colors completely out of context will upset them.
I’ve worn black and yellow together in an area where you are apparently at all times supposed to be wearing brown and orange and had somebody actually say “Ew, Steelers colors.” And I of course am confused for a second, because my outfit has no team logos or anything at all like that, I was wearing a skirt and i think even heels so I’m thinking what the hell does that have to do with sports? Nothing of course- then I realize oh I’m wearing yellow and black alright and when I say “Oh sorry I don’t follow football!” then they actually look really disgusted at me.

And people tell sci-fi geeks to get a life.