I hated the description of my blog again so I got rid of it. I'm going to make a new description.

Don't care what pronouns you call me, but will defend others' rights to choose pronouns.

I'm an artsy, witchy person, I love cats, I watch sci-fi like Babylon 5 and Star Trek, have some health issues, and blah blah, that's good for now...


The stress and being sleepy thing




Someone (youneedacat, I think?) wrote recently about getting really tired as a type of stress response. What IS that even about? Because I am pretty sure that happens to me, at least some of the time.

Right now I am effing exhausted despite having slept a decent amount and…

Feliscorvus, I’m sorry to hear about your cat.

Me too. Pretty much any time I become aware of feeling tired, it’s because I’m stressed about something.  Of all the things that are hard for me, this is probably the one that holds me back from achieving my goals the most. 

Things that make me feel exhausted include:

* Having to respond rapidly to people (e.g., running a study with kids, or dealing with unexpected questions during a presentation). Seeming like I’m in control and know what I’m doing, and basically projecting the image of the competent human being that I very much am not while moving at that speed. (This is a processing thing but my anxiety about how it’s perceived makes it so much harder).

* Listening to and taking notes on lectures for too long, or just people explaining anything that is involved and hard to follow.

* Having to make a lot of decisions in a short amount of time, when I either have no strong preferences or my preferences conflict with each other.

* Having to keep track of a lot of things in my head at one time, such as all the tasks that I need to do in the next few days along with all the steps required to do them.

I’ve often wondered if I just use up my “brain budget” faster than other people. While I use a little less of it for things like reading, writing, and typing, I have to use it a lot for things that are mindless for most people, like finding my way around, remembering things, understanding what I hear, managing fitting cooking and other self-care into my day, and so on.  If everyone has a limited amount of attention and mental effort, it would make sense that if you have to use it for more things, you’d use it up faster and then feel tired, right? And that’s even before you factor in things like sensory overload.  Or the fact that by responding to feeling tired by giving myself a break, I’ve probably unwittingly trained myself to respond to stress by feeling tired.  What do you think?

Hmm, well I can relate to a lot of that. Especially the stuff about having to rapidly respond to people being *especially* exhausting, or having to hold a complex list of things in my head all at once. But I don’t think I’ve trained myself to feel tired when stressed by giving myself breaks, given that I never even conceptualized what I was doing as a kid as “taking breaks”. It was more like “in the moment survival”. And as an adult, I’ve tended very strongly to NOT take breaks even when I should (and just basically mentally beat myself up and threaten myself with “YOU ARE A TERRIBLE LAZY PERSON UNLESS YOU DO THE THING” to get through exhaustion). But the rest of what you wrote is pretty familiar.

I basically want to say “I identify with this” to most of what everybody here is saying, and even more so to the bit about really really needing to take breaks from things but not letting myself because the whole “laziness” thing somehow got drummed into me (mostly by teachers/bosses) and then I’d just keep going until I melt down and either shut down or can’t stop crying for an hour and I’m in trouble/in counseling/fired depending on where this occurs.

Anonymous asked
Do you think Snape's hair was greasy because he totally didn't care about hygiene or was it because of genetics


 It’s implied in the books that he’s not well groomed, not that he just has a simple case of greasy hair. I mean, I have greasy hair and can’t get away with not washing it for a day. Which is why I do wash it every day, or if I decide to not wash it, I know I’m not going to be seen in public. So the fact that his greasy hair is one of his trademarks tells me he doesn’t care. 

I know I say this over and over again, but it baffles me that people don’t know or get this. He was neglected as a kid and he was poor and abused and overall, that has a huge impact on a person’s self esteem and sense of self worth. People who don’t think much of themselves tend to also not think much of their appearance. They don’t see the reason to put the effort in. It’s not worth it because they are not worth it. Of course, they would never say so outright because it’s not a conscious decision. It just is. 

And as much as Snape gives off that narcissistic attitude, that is merely a front. He uses that superiority and his natural intelligence to intimidate but unfortunately, as we see in the scenes with Dumbledore where he is most himself (because Dumbledore is legit the only person who knows Snape’s deal until Harry does at the end), we see he’s very insecure. 

Snape really does hate himself too. That’s not even exaggerating. Like he knows he’s a shitty person. His worst memory is of him calling Lily a Mudblood because he knows what a shit thing that was to do. He isn’t stupid. And then to top it all off he gets her killed. When Lily dies he actually says “I wish I was dead” and tbh, he cared more about her than he did himself. The only reason Dumbledore uses Lily to get Snape to work for him is because he knows that Snape won’t do it because it’s the right thing and you know why? Because in Snape’s mind shitty people like him don’t do the right thing. That mindset might not be very logical to some people but it’s something that is true for so many people who end up in situations like his. It’s part of his personal belief system which is not an easy thing to change. And Dumbles also knows that he won’t even do it to save his own skin because he’s so low at that point that he doesn’t give a shit about himself at all. He’s better off dead because that’s what shitty people like him deserve. 

And I know I just went on a tangent so I might as well finish and say that Snape haters who go on and on about Snape being a shitty person don’t seem to get that Snape agrees with them one hundred percent. That’s why he is the way he is. 

The general characterization of Snape here makes more sense than what most folks usually say and I pretty totally agree with it. That Snape hates himself more than anyone else could has never been in question for me.

But I still can’t figure out how the hell he could have truly poor hygiene and be able to sneak up on people so often. (Not the only reason I thought it was just a “look”, but a big one.)

Does he just not sweat much?

And also, he’s not running around with a scraggly beard, or even mentioned as ever having a five-o-clock shadow that I recall. (Bearded book illustrations don’t count.)

So I honest to goddess just figured it was a grunge-goth look. With the intent of this look being intimidating to kids.

I don’t know, maybe it makes me an asshole to bring that much physical world logic into my interpretation of this series, but… Harry Potter honestly is pretty rooted in reality as this type of literature goes.

And so, that has always bothered me.

I don’t know if this is just my non-neurotypicality showing or what.

Someone walks over to our step to say hello. She bends at the waist, looming over Brooke.

Brooke doesn’t look up. She doesn’t stop stripping her stick.

Dig. Pull. Dig. Pull.

Our visitor reaches out a hand and cups it below Brooke’s chin.

I freeze. Oh God.

She uses the hand to pull Brooke’s head up by the jaw.

A thin line of panic starts somewhere deep. I know that Brooke is going to scream. 5,4,3,2 …

She does scream, but not in the way that I expect.

“I HATE BEING TOUCHED!!” she shouts.

I am flabbergasted.

Words. Self-awareness. Communication. Self-advocacy.

I know the sentence will need to be reformatted. But I am drenched in pride.

I turn to Brooke. “Great job telling us how you feel, Brooke. Really great job.” I hope that my words send a message to both of them. I stand with my girl.

Our visitor is undaunted.

“I just want to see that beautiful face,” she says. “Lift up for me.”

I am stymied by etiquette. By deference to our host. By generational difference. By convention.

Brooke is not.

She lifts her head as instructed. And growls.

This has probably been posted before, but this knocks me for a loop - a blogger and her autistic daughter had the opportunity to meet Suzanne Wright of Autism Speaks, and this is how one of the noisiest voice in the autism community treated her daughter.

What knocks me for a loop isn’t so much Wright’s awful behavior. It’s the unbelievable strength and self-advocacy that the blogger Jess’s daughter, Brooke, shows when someone violates her personal space. It’s her mother backing her up for making sure someone knows that they are not permitted to touch her unless she says it’s okay. Honestly, it’s heartening. I hope Wright felt real fucking uncomfortable. She should.

(via chantrykomori) YOU GO, GIRL!!!!! (via primadraggle)

I really look forward to seeing what a child this strong will be when she grows up.

(via iamthethunder)

(Source: spookykomori)

Have you ever tried to call for a refill by dialing the prescription number on the bottle instead of the pharmacy’s phone number?

Well, it doesn’t work.

Sun and window pattern through sheer curtain.

Sun and window pattern through sheer curtain.

Here’s Misty sitting by the front windows. Its nice and sunny. Was looking like rain earlier.

Here’s Misty sitting by the front windows. Its nice and sunny. Was looking like rain earlier.

Trix are more colorful now than when I was a kid. We never had blue.

Trix are more colorful now than when I was a kid. We never had blue.